Hey Shaggheads! I’ve got a doozy of a blog post for you today! In the span of a few hours on April 21, 2024 I went from being a Dance Dad of two collegiate pom girls to being a Dance Dad of none. Almost two decades and it was over in a flash.
Ever wonder what it’s like to live the dance life and be a Dance Dad? Here’s a snapshot of life with a dancer. I will admit that this description is not typical. We were blessed with not one but two dancers and they were blessed with tons of talent so they were featured in a high number of performances.
We lived a life of dance on steroids. To understand where we ended up you’ll need to know where we started. Here’s our story from the beginning….
1. It’ll be over in the blink of an eye.
It’s not just a phrase, it’s completely true. My Dance Dad life began around 2007 after my wife enrolled our crumb crunchers in a fun dance class. I believe Piper was around five and Chaney was around four. I enjoyed every single minute watching the sport of dance and would never have traded it for a life of soccer, volleyball, softball or any other sport. My Dance Dad life ended unexpectedly on April 21, 2024 after I received two phone calls. In the blink of an eye it was over.
Confession: I would highly recommend the dance life. Would you rather be in an air conditioned auditorium in a comfy seat listening to great dance music or outside on a windy field sitting on a hard bleacher hearing parents scream at officials?
2. It’s just dance, they’ll grow out of it.
Dance class started as an amusing activity for the girls to participate in and I thought it would be something they’d grow out of. They ran around in Hula Hoops, wore tights and giggled a lot. It was all fun and games in the beginning. But soon there were riskier moves like spinning on toes, leaping high into the air and trying to bring one leg over their head while standing still on the other leg. Before I knew what had happened the girls became real dancers and they never grew out of it.
Confession: How do you know when you’ve become a Dance Dad? When you’re playing your girls dance songs on the radio and you’re hooked on “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Dance Moms”. If you know who Abby Lee is, you’re a Dance Dad.
3. Where did my family go?
Being a top dancer takes hours of practice and devotion. Being blessed with both girls committed to the same sport we were never a divided family. The girls practiced every night and Denise would take them dinner and hang out with the Dance Moms until they were finished. Family dinners became a thing of the past. The girls pretty much lived at the dance studio after school each day.
Confession: Since nobody was home, I took that extra time to start a couple of podcasts which turned into a seven year run of dinner out and recording every Tuesday night. Todd and I started BuzzHead Radio and the 70’s Buzz podcasts during this time. If only I had started a Dance Dads podcast way back then.
4. Wait, I thought this was all fun and games not a competition.
Once your child becomes completely involved with a dance studio you will be confronted with the phrase “competitive dance”. To be clear, there is a big difference between studio dance and competitive dance. Dance competition girls have tryouts and compete to make the team. This requires dancing in front of judges and getting scored. Scores can be based on dance moves, facial expressions, costume, music, attitude and phases of the moon. Girls with the highest scores make the cut.
Confession: Once you become a Dance Dad you go to as many competitions as you can. This is a sport and the girls put in as much effort as any athlete training for a competition. It’s heartbreaking when a girl looks into the audience and their dad is never there.
5. It costs how much?
Once you become a dad of a competitive dancer you need to open the wallet, close your eyes and never ask for receipts or costs. And never question the appearance of any mysterious new credit cards in your wife’s name. Competitive dance teams require choreography which requires a choreographer. The better your child dances, the more groups they are in. Each dance also requires a different fancy costume, an entry fee and additional time at dance competitions.
Competitive teams travel out of town. They go to regional competitions and at the end of the season they attend a national competition usually out of state. If you’ve never been to Branson you soon will be. The more dances your child makes, the longer you’re required to be at a competition.
Confession: Competitive dance is not for the faint of heart especially if you want your girls to get extra dance sessions to help them improve. Make a choice: fancy new sports car or competitive dance.
6. Those dance bags aren’t going to fit.
If your girls are in multiple dances they’re going to have multiple costumes and gear. Some genius entrepreneur created a dance bag large enough for your daughter to sleep in. All of the costumes will fit in the bag without anything needing to be folded. These bags come with heavy duty wheels to help get them to the SUV. If you have two dancers and a normal sized SUV you’re toast. Those bags aren’t going to fit and if they do the people aren’t going to fit. Time to get a bigger SUV.
Confession: Been eating your Wheaties? Lifting weights? Practicing your squats? If so, you’re ready to load the dance bags into the back of the SUV. Don’t worry about the cost, these bags are no more than a good golf bag… filled with a set of clubs.
7. You said they were only going to be in four group dances.
Girls that dance well will be in several different dance groups. Be careful when they start throwing out the words “solo”, “duo” and “trio”. These new words are code for more dances above and beyond the studio group dances. Girls that do these extra dances require an entire extra day for most competitions.
Confession: If you’re going to drive hours to a dance competition you might as well have your girls in as many dances as possible to make it worth the effort. Solos, duos and trios are fun to watch because you can tell which girl on stage is your daughter.
8. I can’t tell which girl is my daughter.
Once the girls get made-up for their dance routines they’ll all start to look alike. Same make-up, same hair, same costume and most of the girls will be about the same size. Unless your daughter is really tall, short or gets to be up front and center you may never locate her before the number is over. Don’t be alarmed by how old they look. Dance make-up, lights and the stage add five years to your daughters age.
Confession: Can’t find your daughter on stage? Buy the video! After each performance there will be professional photos and video. If you purchase the video you can pick out your daughter and know where she is next time. Again, we were blessed in the fact the our girls were on the front row in most of their dances.
9. Nobody wants a gold medal.
Dance awards will be the most confusing thing you’ll ever encounter. When I first heard my girls teammates had won gold I told my daughter I was very impressed. I was quickly informed that there’s only on thing worse than gold and it’s silver. What? Yep. Platinum is better than gold but that’s not the best! Diamond trumps platinum. Think you’ve made it with a diamond score? Nope, you can get beat by a double diamond!
The crazy thing about the wacky awards system is that not all competitions use the same precious metals. So how do you figure out the scoring system? You buy a competition program! Oh, and another thing about dance competitions, everyone wins a medal or trophy. So clear the shelves and empty the back of your SUV, you’re going to need lots of space.
Confession: If Dance Dads were in charge we’d have a Double Dog Dare You Kryptonite award and you’d get extra points based on how far you could belly slide across the stage.
10. Scoring is a subjectively subjective.
About the time you get the confusing awards somewhat figured out you start asking how the girls get the scores that lead to the awards. Oh my, that’s another whole nother mess. Scores have something to do with performance plus choreography, times facial expressions, minus mess ups, divided by difficulty, added to look of the costume with a truckload of subjectivity thrown in. I think. The exact same dances against the exact same competitors at different competitions can illicit totally different outcomes. This is where dance drama begins to creep in..
Confession: If you’re a dancer you won’t be able to please all of the judges all of the time! Take your wins when you can and learn from the critiques when they come. Stay humble, smile and plan your revenge.
11. Explain this to me like I’m a second grader.
Dance craziness doesn’t end with medals and scores! Once you think you know which awards go with what scores you get hit with dance categories. Can you spot the difference between jazz, contemporary, hip hop, lyrical and the others? What about small groups, large groups, lines and production? What about divisions? Does your daughter dance in a group that is beginner, intermediate or advanced? Are there age categories? Oh my!
Confession: Here’s a Dance Mom pro tip: Buy the program! Each dance competition should be selling a dance program and it will reveal all. Dance programs are also a great place to write down the scores and will give you a time schedule. Dance Dad truth? I never bought the program! Where’s the challenge in that?
12. Dance can be a time warp.
Does your daughter have a three minute dance at 10am? Great! That couldn’t possibly take very much time. You’ll be in and out within 15 minutes, right? Wrong! She’ll need to be at the competition venue no later than two hours before. And that’s if they’re not running ahead of schedule or it could be earlier. Why? Makeup, hair, costumes and rehearsal! And to guarantee the entire team is there and ready to go.
Confession: It doesn’t matter how many dances your girls have or when they are, just plan on spending the day at the dance venue. My wife and I would exchange texts like this: Me: “When’s the next dance?” Wife: “Piper is up in 18 more dances.” Me: “About what time?” Wife: “3:15 but they’re running ahead.” Me: “When’s the next one after that?” Wife: “Chaney goes in 24 more dances.” Me: “Then we’re done?” Wife: “Awards are at 4:00 then the girls need to get ready at 4:30 for their 6:30 dance.” Me: “What about dinner?” Me:”Hello?” Me: “I’m going to the snack bar.” Wife: “They went early. Did you see her?”
13. The recital.
As each year wraps up there will be an end of season recital. This is where the grandparents, aunts and uncles show up to watch the girls perform. It can be brutally long. You’ll get to see all of the non-competitive dances, the itty-bitty girls twirling around and lots of solos. All of the girls will dance without the pressure of getting judged. You’ll take lots of photos with the girls and their friends.
There will be a long awards ceremony at the end with lots of trophies and medals. Be sure and drive the big SUV. There will be crying especially for the senior girls that will no longer be dancing at the studio. There will be fantastic senior solos you’ve never seen before. Don’t forget to take flowers!
Confession: When the lights go dark and it’s over, you’ll realize it’s the very last, last time they’ll dance for the studio. You’ll get choked up and most likely get dust in your eye. Then you’ll wish it could all start over from the beginning so you could do it again.
14. Dance is pom, pom is dance.
If your girls are on the competitive team at the dance studio you might as well prepare for them to be on the middle school and high school pom squads. It’s pretty much a given that the talented dancers breeze through the pom tryouts.
At that point you’ll need to attend all of the high school sporting events in which they pom. Most of the time there will be a pom performance at halftime of the sporting event. After that performance it is acceptable for dads to sneak out of the game.
Confession: The first rule of Dance Dad is to know some of the terms. Dance and Pom are pretty much the same. Pom and Cheer are not the same. A Pom Squad is the dance team that supports a sports team with dance performances as opposed to a Cheer Squad which supports a sports team by tumbling, doing stunts and performing gymnastics moves.
15. Woo Pig Sooner!
If your girls get the bug and are really talented they may think about dancing in college. This will require them doing even more dance. There will be extra training and coaching as well as clinics at universities. We were blessed beyond belief when Piper made the Pom Squad at the University of Oklahoma and then Chaney followed up the next year by making the Dance Team for the University of Arkansas. Bouncing between Norman and Fayetteville to see games was pure pleasure and kept us from ever feeling like empty nesters.
Confession: I grew up an OSU Cowboy and attended school there during my junior year. To say it was tough to become an overnight Sooner fan is putting it mildly. And then on top of that I had to cheer for the Razorbacks. You do what you have to do to support your girls. Now that OU has left the Big 12 my plan is to support both the Cowboys and the Sooners.
16. How I lost my Dance Dad status with Piper.
So, how was I retired from being a Dance Dad in a single day on April 21, 2024? That week was to be Piper’s very last pom event for her entire dance career. She was going to be pomming an OU baseball game on Tuesday night and we had planned on going. Piper called me in disappointment because an attorney put a halt to the Pom Squad dancing on top of the baseball dugout. Piper was more upset in the fact that we were not going to get to see her final performance than in not getting to perform. Seeing your child conclude their last performance is a big deal and should include some fanfare and lots of photos. Unfortunately for us it was not to be. We were able to celebrate her last football game and basketball game so all in all it was not anything devastating.
Confession: Dance Dads beware! One day Piper was running around in a tutu and the next she’s graduating from college. It’s been a blessing to watch her fulfill her dreams and dance for such a prestigious sports university like OU.
17. How I lost my Dance Dad status with Chaney.
The Tuckers will no longer be calling the hogs or attending any Arkansas sporting events in Fayetteville. Within the span of one morning and one phone call Chaney’s college pom career came to an unexpected and very abrupt end. Why? Did she do something wrong or break some rule? No. Pom and cheer girls are required to tryout every year to make the same team they are already on. Chaney’s scores kept her from making the cut so in a sense her dance career was over which meant my Dance Dad life immediately ended.
Confession: So, how does your daughter go from making every team she’s ever tried out for to not making it her very last year? Unfortunately for Chaney there was COVID her first year, the loss of her coach the second year and the introduction of a new coach her third year. The brand new pom coach had no investment in a team she hadn’t built. She wanted a younger team made up of freshmen and created one. Seventeen freshmen made the squad while three seniors were cut and a few other girls didn’t even tryout. Only three out of eight seniors are back on the team. That’s dance life.
18. There were no extra points for loyalty.
After three years of loyalty and sacrifice from our daughter she in return received no support from the new coach. She gave up many of her sorority events due to pom activities. She had very little time to go out and meet girls other than those on her pom team. Chaney’s identity like Piper’s was being on the Pom Squad.
Why is all of this big of a deal anyway? It’s a big deal because our daughter went to Arkansas to be a dancer which is who she is, not what she does. She was working towards a degree to help her with a dance related business in the future. Other girls go to a specific university to get a degree while dance is secondary. Cutting our daughter before her senior year eliminated her senior recognition, her senior benefits, senior awards and all of those “last time” moments.
Confession: Every now and then there are things bigger than just scores. Loyalty, dedication, desire and sacrifice should also be considered. A rookie coach didn’t see beyond the subjective numbers and lost three loyal leaders on the team. It’ll be interesting to see if this young coach cuts her seniors three years from now. Honestly, I hope she doesn’t just for the sake of the girls. Let this be a reality check for any freshmen Dance Dads out there.
19. The Tuckers are no longer Razorbacks!
Not only has our daughter given three years to the University of Arkansas but my wife and I as parents have given a lot as well. We drove three and a half hours every chance we could to support Arkansas sports. We bought tickets, stayed in hotels, ate at restaurants and felt like we were a part of the community. We were looking forward to seeing her finishing her career where she started. We thought we’d know when her last time to pom in the stadium would be so we could take photos and have her sister there. All of these opportunities were taken away.
The sense of being a loyal Razorback was stripped away from our family as well as our daughter. We were already making plans for next season and were preparing for living arrangements, classes, tickets, parking, graduation and other senior activities. When Chaney decided to leave the University of Arkansas we couldn’t blame her.
Confession: Am I going to miss driving three and a half hours across the state just to get stuck at every light in Springdale? Nope! Am I going to miss the big party on Dickson Street? Yep! Will I ever call the hogs again? Never. Am I disappointed this didn’t go as planned for my daughter? Yes. But we’ll pack her bags and head back to good old Oklahoma.
20. I can’t believe it’s over.
Piper ended her career after four years at OU as planned. There were a few glitches in the beginning with COVID and a few disappointments at Nationals but overall she had a great career. She was Pom Captain and won the Leadership Award and as well as other honors. Piper took senior photos in her pom outfits and was able to pose on the OU football field. Will we ever see Piper back on the college field? I have my fatherly suspicions that one day we just might!
Confession: I can’t believe my daughter turned me into a Sooner fan but she did. Following Piper around the country to different sporting events was one of the best adventures ever. We got to spend time in Los Angeles, San Antonio, Orlando, Kansas City and Dallas. It was a pleasure watching her dance every time she took the stage.
21. Better opportunities ahead.
The Tuckers Dance Adventure is on pause! It’s not over for good just yet. Chaney is talented and has the drive to find a new dance home. She has always been a year younger than her classmates due to the fact that we bumped her up a grade in elementary school. She’ll take this opportunity to sit out a year and work while preparing for tryouts with another Division I Pom Squad. Chaney would like to be on a team where the coach values her. Skipping a year would allow her to graduate with students her age. We see better opportunities ahead.
Confession: I’m almost relieved that Chaney got cut at this stage. It has opened the door to more opportunities than she would have had staying at Arkansas. As sports fans, this gives Denise and I a year of relaxed football watching. Denise held on to her OU season tickets so it’ll be an easy travel year. We won’t have to be at the games hours early to watch the spirit squads and players walk to the stadium. We don’t have to get seats close to the sideline to see the girls. We won’t have to wait until the game is over and the field is empty to leave the stadium! If it’s hot, cold or boring we’ll be able to just stand up and leave. Wow!
22. Poetic justice.
What could be the most poetic outcome for Chaney? If Arkansas doesn’t go to Nationals that would have been Chaney’s last chance to go and she would have missed out. If Chaney makes a Pom Squad that goes to Nationals her dream will be fulfilled and it will be a blessing that she didn’t return to the Razorback squad.
Chaney went to Pom Nationals in Florida last year just to watch Piper and OU perform because Arkansas has never gone. Chaney had every chance to go to Disney World with us but chose to stay at the competitions by herself just so she could watch her favorite Pom Squads. She lives for dance and studies other teams and their choreography. She knows dance squads like guys know football teams.
Confession: Was there some cosmic reason we bumped Chaney up a grade way back in elementary school? If this all plays out like it could with Chaney basically having a bonus year due to her young age then we’ll chalk it up to divine intervention. Fingers crossed.
23. Just what if…
What if, just what if Chaney tried out for and made the University of Oklahoma Pom Squad? She originally was going to try out for both Oklahoma and Arkansas but she didn’t want to feel like she was in her sisters shadow at OU. She even gave up her freshman tryout at OU because she wanted to stay committed to Arkansas. Then what if Oklahoma plays Arkansas during Chaney’s senior year? Oh, the plot thickens!
Confession: How much fun would it be to see Chaney cheering for the Sooners ending her career on the same field as Piper? Actually pretty fun. How ironic would it be if Chaney got to go to Nationals with OU like Piper did? That would be epic! My Dance Dad life might not have ended just yet. Disney, I might be back! Stay tuned!
24. This story is to be continued….
Chaney won’t be able to tryout for another college Pom Team until April of 2025. If she were to make another squad she would start in Fall semester of 2025. That’s when my Dance Dad status would be reinstated. She would then possibly have a chance to go to Nationals at the beginning of 2026 and graduate as a dancer in the Spring of 2026.
Confession: Chaney deserves a senior year in dance and I hope she gets it. I’ll update this blog post as time goes on and we learn her fate. Thanks for reading. Hopeful Dance Dad signing off.
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